I’ve started photography projects and never finished printing or got to mounting. I have started several portfolios, online and on paper. My friend even gave me a really cool metal box to create a cool foldout portfolio, and I have the layout on the computer. I started a scrapbook of my son, but stopped after less than a month. I have an amazing studio in Brooklyn, DUMBO, the place to be these days. Never go because the commute sucks. I have created installation pieces for my MFA that I did not document and never did anything with. I have boxes full of art supplies that I wanted to use… I am becoming a packrat.
I have the best of intentions. I want to be a full time artist. I want to make a living spending half my time painting in a great studio and half my time schmoozing with cool art people. I think I am good. But I have not gotten that one person to take me under their wing. Even if they did, I don’t think I would believe their faith in me and I would fail. I have always found ways to be on the fringe. And I have always found ways to sabotage myself.
Why is that? Does it sound familiar? I’ve read the books and done the exercises and been to therapy and tried to be this person that I believe is inside me. But it is so hard.
There’s mom and dad not getting it. There are all my non-art friends. The older I get, the farther away NYC feels. There was the design jobs and the living in the suburbs and the life I thought I was supposed to lead in the suburbs, including manicures and the mall. There was the occasional show or sale, but never the recognition I wanted. I even did a series that I thought was unique and could be Soho gallery material. But no one seemed to get it. Was it that bad? Or did I just see more in it than was really there? Or did I not market it right? Anyway, I did the one series, then went back to school for digital art.
Now I don’t go the shows for digital art because of work and the baby… the baby is all consuming. I forget to take pictures. And I don’t work on the scrapbook.
For those who have the same issues as me, I recommend the books by Julia Cameron called the Artist Way. The Success Principles are also good.
Maybe starting a blog will help me get started being an artist again…
